I was in a place I was not supposed to be but Heather said it would be fine. We like to pretend we were explorers and we were searching for treasure that may have been buried hundreds of years ago. It was a warm spring day so I had taken my shoes off and really dug in like a true explorer would have. The grass was overgrown with weeds and prickly roses that had escaped from their garden fences. I think it was Mrs. Eden's backyard, but I couldn't be sure, she hasn't stepped outside in years, so I'm not sure if she lives here anymore. Heather is her neighbor so if she said we can play there she would know.
Our game of explores became tiresome so we began to play hide and seek, which was easy in the thick underbrush. As I lay hiding I could hear my sister calling for me to come home; but it was only 2 o'clock in the afternoon, no where near dinner. I was going to ignore my sister and remain hidden. Soon her voice got louder and she began yelling at Heather to go home, but I would not budge, I did not want to go home yet. Unfortunately my sister's hide and seek abilities far outweighed Heathers' and she found me quite quickly. She grabbed my arm, pulled me straight up and had me running in a matter of seconds. I tried to reason with her, but she wouldn't have it, I tried to explain that my shoes were back at the lot and she still kept me running. We kept running until she ran me through an overgrown rose bush and that is where I stopped. I could go no further, and I began to cry. The rose bushes had poisoned my feet. I could not understand what was happening to my feet. They were in so much pain, but at the same time I could not feel them. I looked up at my sister and screamed,"What is wrong with you!" And that is when she turned me around and pointed to the enormous black cloud coming toward us looking as if it was swallowing the earth.
I could not say a word. I forgot about my feet. Just as I looked back at her face the yellow sirens began to roar and Laura yelled, "Mt. St. Helens erupted, I have to get you home!" She picked me up and carried me the rest of the way home; then she ran back to get my shoes.
wow what a memory! I really liked that you put yourself back in your shoes at that point in your life. Have you thought of expanding on what the black cloud was like? Any smells, change in the air or how you felt when you saw it? Could you add more about the feeling when you saw the black cloud? great job!
ReplyDeletewow what a memory! I really liked that you put yourself back in your shoes at that point in your life. Have you thought of expanding on what the black cloud was like? Any smells, change in the air or how you felt when you saw it? Could you add more about the feeling when you saw the black cloud? great job!
ReplyDeleteI love that as I was reading I had no idea where it was going, and I enjoyed that at the end it was a memory of such a significant day in local history. I also feel like the tone in the beginning is very reminiscent of the way a child would remember the event, focusing on minute details (like whose yard it was). I would agree with Cindy that I would love to know more about the black cloud, and I would also love more imagery throughout, but that's because I tend to be a more impressionistic writer. I thoroughly enjoyed the juxtaposition between your pain that day, and then the huge catastrophe that took place. Awesome memory!
ReplyDeleteI love that as I was reading I had no idea where it was going, and I enjoyed that at the end it was a memory of such a significant day in local history. I also feel like the tone in the beginning is very reminiscent of the way a child would remember the event, focusing on minute details (like whose yard it was). I would agree with Cindy that I would love to know more about the black cloud, and I would also love more imagery throughout, but that's because I tend to be a more impressionistic writer. I thoroughly enjoyed the juxtaposition between your pain that day, and then the huge catastrophe that took place. Awesome memory!
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of the iconic moments in history that where each of us remembers, in great detail, where we were and how we felt. I remember my 11th grade English teacher telling us just minutes after the planes crashed into the twin towers (I lived in Philadelphia), "Write down how you are feeling right now. You will never forget this moment as long as you live." I also recall another teacher saying, "Ask your parents what they were doing when they learned that JFK was assassinated. I'll bet they all remember." It's interesting how our acutely our senses heighten when we have experienced something poignant. I wonder if you could look at your verb tense in each sentence. If you chose to write in either past or present tense, and stay consistent to whatever you choose, it would make your piece extra powerful!
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